Rarely do couples give much thought to the wedding vows they make. They simply show up the day of the wedding and recite whatever vows the officiant asks them to make. Such was true for Nancy and me. We received little counsel regarding the vows that we made to each other. As a result, sadly, we rushed over one of the most solemn and special moments of our lives.
“To have and to hold from this day forward; for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish, until death do us part.”
And then we promised to fulfill our vows in the most solemn manner.
“With this ring, I thee wed. And with it, I bestow upon thee my pledge of faithfulness and enduring love. All that I am and all that I have, I give to you, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
Of course, we knew that we were pledging fidelity to each other in an exclusive relationship. However, we gave little thought to the magnanimous promises we made to love and to cherish each other all day, every day, until the grave should separate us. We made such promises before our families and our closest friends. Then we left the ceremony and quickly forgot them.
The Bible has strong words for those who make a vow to God and then do not make good on it. Listen to the words of Deuteronomy 23:21:
When you make a vow to the LORD your God, you shall not delay to pay it, for it would be sin in you, and the LORD your God will surely require it of you.
The vow is likened to a debt that must be paid off quickly and the one who simply delays in paying it is charged with sin. A similar statement is made in Ecclesiastes 5:4-5:
4When you make a vow to God, do not be late in paying it; for He takes no delight in fools. Pay what you vow! 5It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay.
Again, the vow is likened to a debt, yet this time the one who is late in paying it is deemed a fool in God’s eyes! That was us. Even though it was one of the happiest days in our lives, we left that day guilty of sin and folly for making promises we hardly understood. And yet, by God’s grace, we can truly say the last three decades have been the most blessed years of our lives. I absolutely love marriage and God’s design for it. I have grown in my love for Nancy and continue to grow in loving and cherishing her.
We must see beyond the fear of failing to honor our vows by realizing we have the glorious privilege of worshiping God by fulfilling them. The Bible attests that those who magnify God do so by honoring their vows, through the grace He supplies, as an expression of worship. David states in Psalm 61:8, “So will I ever sing praises to your name, as I perform my vows day after day” (ESV).
Godly couples should strive daily to love and cherish one another more deliberately and intensely. However, loving and cherishing each other is not the end in itself. Such conditions are necessary for a couple to put Christ first in their marriage and live for His glory. Our prayer is that you will experience the joy and reward of reigning together in a Christ-exalting marriage as you worship Him by fulfilling your wedding vows.
Consider the following case studies. They are based on true events. Names have been changed but the events are real. The following are two such cases.
Case Study – Just a Piece of Paper
Barbara’s pastor was surprised when she approached him with her problem. She was physically and emotionally involved with a married man. Barbara, a divorced woman and a professing Christian, had let herself get too close to a man who was having marriage trouble. Once she was faced with the reality that she was in love with him and had no desire to end the relationship, she justified her adultery with the argument that marriage is about the heart, not the “piece of paper.” In other words, the vows her lover took became void when he “fell out of love” with his wife. Barbara rejected her pastor’s counsel to immediately and permanently end the relationship. She rejected his efforts to convince her that the “piece of paper” she lightly dismissed was a testament to a covenant of a sacred union that had been made before God and many witnesses. Her pastor had to painfully watch her struggle, isolate herself from the church, and utterly compromise her previously-held Biblical standards in order to feed her passions for forbidden love.
Case Study – In Sickness and in Health
On September 15, 2011, ABC News reported that a prominent conservative Christian leader publicly declared that divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease is justified because it is “a kind of death.” He was not alone. We knew a local church-going man who, once his wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, felt justified in hospitalizing her and actively pursuing relationships with other women on such grounds, even while married. Compare these men to Joseph, a healthy, active retiree who moved into a locked-down memory care unit with his dementia-stricken wife. Each evening, he would take her by the hand and lead her to the common dining room, introducing her to visitors and regaling everyone with grand stories of the wonderful life he had shared with his beloved. He never stopped delighting in her and, as she stepped ever closer to the grave, he never let go of her hand.
These two case studies illustrate the contrast between those who take their wedding vows seriously and those who do not. Honoring one’s wedding vows is far more than just an expression of love for one’s spouse; it is a call to worship God and put his love on display. Such is the high calling of marriage.
For more on how to love and cherish your spouse, see Reigning Together: A Christ-Exalting Marriage, available on Amazon.
