In This Series: The Family Summit, Part 2
Nearly everyone loves the idea of planning and—carrying out those plans successfully—but life has a way of blowing in, knocking us off our feet, and in some cases, knocking the wind out of us. Whether it’s a car accident, a sick parent, a move, or money problems, let’s face it, the life we dream of always seems just out of reach. Living reactively happens naturally. Living proactively takes time, intentionality, planning, and commitment. Meet the Family Summit.
A summit meeting is a meeting between heads of state, business executives, or experts who gather to have an intentional conversation on a very specific topic, with the goal of deepening awareness, sharing ideas, and developing a strategy for the future.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if a meeting was convened just for the well-being of your family? Imagine a team of experts and authorities convening annually to address every concern that your family faces. The result would, no doubt, involve brilliant plans for intentional living. But where can such a team be found? God intends for husband and wife to be that team.
The idea of a family summit meeting entered my mind in 2003. I was the VP of a civil engineering firm, taking seminary classes, and my wife was great with child–our fourth. We were juggling weekly business trips, my 4-hour commute each way for class, and home schooling three small children. During this time, our house was robbed, some treasured items were taken from us, and worse, we no longer felt safe in our own home.
While our family was not in crisis, the proverbial vise was tightening, and we were feeling the squeeze. Nancy describes her perspective during this season,
“I was feeling unloved and the impending birth of another baby was causing me anxiety. I knew there was no time to work through problems in our marriage, which made me feel helpless. We were always up against a deadline.”
We needed to regroup. We lined up childcare and booked a hotel on the beach for two nights. We devoted the getaway to just talking through our lives, looking back and looking forward. We left the weekend feeling alive, empowered, hopeful, and excited for the days to come. The “Family Summit” was born.
THE BIBLE ENVISIONS MARRIED COUPLES WILL PLAN TOGETHER
In redemption, the throne of God is restored to the rightful place in a believer’s heart. When joined together in holy matrimony, two believers become a redeemed union reigning together, under Christ, for God’s glory. This is marriage as it ought to be, and it envisions intentional times of planning together, as the following analysis will show.
Created to Reign Together
Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. (Genesis 1:26-27)
Just as the first husband and wife were created to reign together over all the issues of life they would face, so it is today. The husband-wife relationship was never intended to be adversarial but harmonious, not competitive but service-oriented.
The strength of a marriage is in its union, not in civil war. Jesus taught that a house divided against itself cannot stand (Mark 3:25). Those redeemed by Him reign with Him (Romans 5:17, Ephesians 2:6; Revelation 5:10, 22:3-5), and His grace works in and through them producing an eternal quality of living (Romans 5:21). The created purpose for the marriage union has been redeemed by Christ for His glory.
The summit meeting promotes unity. It is for those who want to rise out of the internal conflicts of civil war and become a unified entity that exerts a collective and powerful influence over the issues of life.
Created to Reign with Christ
The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him. (Romans 8:16-17)
It is also clear from Scripture that a redeemed couple is to reign with Christ. Just as the original couple was not to reign over God, so it is today. No one reigns over God or His Christ, and no one reigns over life better than Christ. A couple’s reign over the issues of life is to be in concert with Christ, His purposes, and His ways. Where there is conflict in biblical roles, there is conflict with Christ.
Created to Live Wisely
So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)
This thought comes as the culminating plea of the psalmist in light of the brevity of man’s life and the anger of God against man’s sin. Psalm 90 applies to individuals, nations, and married couples. God desires for couples to experience His joy (14), to understand His work (16a), to see their children beholding His majesty (16b), to live under His favor, and to see the fruitfulness of their labors (17). All of this comes out of hearts that are inclined toward Godly wisdom.
Created to Plan Ahead
Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, 16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil. 17 So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. (Ephesians 5:15-17)
God is very much interested in our daily routines. He intends for married couples to learn how to organize the days He gives them. A wise couple plans ahead. Such planning involves time and deliberate conversation on critical issues that a couple is facing. Since the seasons of life are constantly changing and
the challenges and opportunities of life often change with them, a wise couple will set aside purposeful times of conversation aimed at discussing all areas of their life and how to navigate them for God’s glory.
The biblical basis for intentional planning is clear. God expects marriage to be a reign of two believers with Christ over all the issues of life, large and small. While family summits require an investment of resources, the fruits of such are greater unity, wisdom, and vision.* The planning and yes, dreaming, that Nancy and I have experienced on our summit trips has been transformational for our marriage and the direction of our family.
For more on the how of family summits, see part 2 of this blog, “How Does a Family Plan Together?” For references and sources for this blog post, and for more ways to build up your family in Christ, see Reigning Together: A Christ-Exalting Marriage, available on Amazon.
*Although the family summit as described herein is not a scriptural mandate, we believe it to be a wise, thorough, and practical response to the biblical exhortation to plan together. It provides a unique environment for healthy and unhurried communication, creative solutions, and proactive living. We have found it to be the most effective vehicle for taking territory as a couple.
