Have you ever prayed for your wife for ten minutes in one setting? The sad reality is that many have not. Imagine what effectively praying for your wife ten minutes each morning might accomplish? What would an effective prayer even look like?
Our culture is more excited about the “happily ever after” than the rigors of making it happen. We love the idea of marriage but not the daily disciplines that are to accompany it. I call preparing for another day as a godly husband dressing for the marriage. Paul shows us how to do this in Colossians 3. Because these words are directed at relationships between believers, they most certainly, and especially, apply to the Christian husband-wife relationship. They communicate why a couple should dress for the marriage, what specifically needs to be dressed, and how to dress in such a way to ensure that they will reign over the pressures, temptations, and other issues of life that they will certainly face. Marriage involves the daily choice to relate to your wife in the same graces that God has shown you.
This challenge is a ten-minute prayer guide for your wife, based upon the ten virtues of Colossians 3:12-15:
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.
This prayer time should be conducted in the morning. Allow at least one minute of prayer for each virtue.
Minute 1: Compassion. Compassion is concern for another person’s well-being. It encompasses mercy and sympathy. A loving disposition begins with a heart that is empathetic toward others. In this virtue we encounter the headwaters of the gospel. Consider the day your wife is facing and then ask the Lord to have compassion upon her in at least one very specific way. Ask the Lord to lead you in showing compassion to her today.
Minute 2: Kindness. Kindness seeks to benefit a person in tangible ways such as goodness, helpfulness, and generosity. Genuine compassion will move a person to helpful acts of love. Beyond your routine duties as husband, ask the Lord to show you one specific way that you can help your wife enjoy the day more. It can be as simple or as elaborate as you wish.
Minute 3: Humility. Humility involves lowliness of mind, submission, and voluntary unselfishness. Humility is the opposite of pride, which elevates itself by showing off. Spouses who care little for building each other up are a blight upon their marriage. But those who humbly assume the posture of a servant are a sweet blessing upon their marriage and their corner of the world. For a marriage to thrive, there must be a daily routine of humble service. If Christ is first in your heart, you will not want to make your wife feel small in your presence. Rather, you will choose to humbly build her up, both publicly and privately. Ask the Lord to show you one way that you can humbly serve your wife today.
Minute 4: Gentleness. Gentleness is mildness, considerateness, courtesy, and even-temperedness. A husband who is gentle is not concerned with his self-importance but mindful of the well-being of his wife. Loving husbands are to be mindful of their wives’ need for gentleness. A gentle man does not blow up, fly off the handle, nor is he insensitive. Marriage isn’t intended to be a white-knuckled ride for your wife. Ask the Lord to show you one way you can demonstrate this courtesy to your beloved today.
Minute 5: Patience. Patience is emotional quietness in the face of unfavorable circumstances. It’s disposed to endure, to be steadfast, and to remain tranquil while awaiting an outcome. Every marriage encounters unfavorable circumstances nearly every day. Patient husbands do not overreact, take up offenses, or let trying circumstances sink the relationship. Instead, they are like the steady influence of a rudder that boldly faces the waves, navigating the marriage through the challenges of life. Lift up a situation that your wife may face today. Ask the Lord to give you patience with her.
Minute 6: Tolerance. Tolerance involves the ideas of bearing with one another, putting up with each other, and being a patient listener. A tolerant person quietly endures the faults of others. To tolerate your wife is to stand in support with her, regardless of offenses. Your love for your wife can be measured by how well you tolerate her faults. Think about one way you need to bear with her today. Ask God to bring to mind specific instances of how He has put up with you in similar ways. Ask for guidance on how to put Him on display.
Minute 7: Forgiveness. Forgiveness is granting favor by canceling debts or pardoning offenses. Fundamental to loving people is forgiving them, not keeping a record of wrongs committed. Married life involves a routine of forgiving by sending away offenses. Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness is clear. Forgiving hearts are at the center of a marriage that exalts Christ and faces a glorious future of reigning together. Pray and consider specific instances your wife might need your forgiveness today. Face your day with an attitude of forgiveness for her, expressing this as needed.
Minute 8: Love. Love is devotion to the well-being of another, encompassing warm regards, esteem, and affection. In marriage, it communicates loyal devotion, oneness, and enduring faithfulness. All the other virtues mentioned thus far are expressions of maturing love. Pray for one specific way you can clearly show love to your wife today.
Minute 9: Peace. Peace describes a state of harmony, completeness and wholeness, void of anxiety, conflict, or instability. It is Christ’s gift of Himself that calms and satisfies the souls of His people, regardless of circumstances. Pray for guidance on interacting with your wife today in peaceful ways. Think of one area of daily interaction where you can practice peacemaking and de-escalation toward your wife.
Minute 10: Thankfulness. Think of thankfulness as the crown jewel of all other virtues. Cultivating a thankful heart is one of the most important endeavors you will ever take up in your marriage. There is little health in marriages where thankful hearts and expressions of gratitude are thin. Spend a minute giving thanks to God for your wife. Prayerfully consider the things for which you are thankful.
Congratulations! By completing this prayer challenge, you have effectively prepared, or dressed yourself, for your marriage today. Now go tackle your day, living out these attributes and watching the Lord work in your lives.
For more on loving your wife by dressing for your marriage, including references and sources, see Reigning Together: A Christ-Exalting Marriage, Chapter 7 and Appendix 7.
